If you are female, expressing hatred for your own body is not just acceptable, it’s practically de rigeur. Failure to indulge in the requisite amount of self-flagellation – my thighs! my skin! my face! – isn’t just negligent, it’s unfeminine. Self-hatred is fundamental to how femininity is constructed, more fundamental than any of the more obvious external symbols (dress, make-up, shoes). What matters is not that you are beautiful, but you know your place in the beauty hierarchy (and since every woman ages, every woman’s place will eventually be somewhere at the bottom).
Young women are encouraged to bond over their dislike of excess body hair, surplus flesh and “uneven” skin. They are meant to do so in a jovial way, egged on by perky adverts informing them what “real women” do: worry about having underarms beautiful enough for a sleeveless top, celebrate curves with apologetic booty shakes and cackle ruefully over miserable Sex-and-the-City-style lunches of Ryvita and Dulcolax. It’s a gendered ritual; men get football and booze, women get control pants and detoxes. We are supposed, of course, to be grateful. Hey, you don’t have to be perfect! Just know you’re not perfect and act accordingly, with the appropriate levels of guilt and shame!
Fairy tale after fairy tale tells us that what matters is being beautiful “on the inside” but what does that really mean? It means submission, obedience and the suppression of one’s own desires. Don’t be haughty and proud. Clean the hearth. Kiss the frog. Love the beast. Suck it up when you’re replaced by a younger model. Sure, you may look fine, but you mustn’t feel fine. You mustn’t be vain. You mustn’t be angry. All fury and pain must be turned back on itself. That way you’ll be a real princess: silent, fragile and never threatening to challenge the status quo.
Coming from a state champion baker:
If y’all use a decent box mix and use melted butter instead of vegetable oil, an extra egg, and milk instead of water, no one can tell the difference. I sure as hell can’t.
Also, if you add a little almond extract to vanilla cake, or a little coffee to chocolate cake, it sends it through the roof.
This concludes me attempting to be helpful.
once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
45 Things I Want to See More of in Stories (Post-Apocalyptic Edition)
- Leftover inconveniences (braces, casts, etc.)
- Renewable energy
- Creative attempts at fuel
- Increased infant mortality
- Change in hierarchy (laborers more important than white-collar workers, etc.)
- New governmental structures
- Mercenary groups
- Formation of new states
- Formation of non-state groups
- Regrowth of land
- Lack of food security
- Reduction in gun usage (as ammunition runs out)
- Decrease in age of pregnancy and/or marriage (as life expectancy decreases)
- Direct effects of the apocalyptic event
- Increased multi-generational homes (as building houses becomes difficult again)
- Increased multi-family homes
- Attempts at sophisticated surgery with rudimentary tools
- Reduction in birth control
- General reduction in technology that requires sophisticated manufacturing
- Simple food
- Handmade clothing
- Clothing from animal products
- Houses built for natural lighting
- Attempted—and failed—swift adjustments to lack of technology
- Changes in views of morality
- Different types of law enforcement
- Changes in religion
- Attempted attachment to old societies
- Deliberate breakaways from old societies
- Attempts to cling on to old ideas of beauty despite changes in available beauty products
- Reduction in hygiene
- Increase in water-borne illnesses and parasites
- Lack of clean water
- Reduction in luxury goods
- Increase in homelessness
- Lack of communication capabilities
- Return to radio
- Lack of light pollution
- Attempted school systems
- Return to apprenticeship-style teaching
- Return to agricultural-style living
- Dealing with environmental fallout from apocalyptic event
- Dealing with environmental fallout from previous generations
this mother fucker is the voice of nemo
shit i think i want to fuck nemo
this little fucker goes to my college— I’ve met him. To make matter worse, he’s sweet and shy. And hates it when people whisper “fish are friends, not food” around him.
oh my god